Thursday, November 25, 2010
So, what're you thankful for?
I really hate to be "that" guy. You know, the one that makes an obligatory post on thanksgiving about what you're thankful for. I just got to thinking today - I'm pretty freakin' blessed. Woke up at a reasonable time (7:00am. I forgot 7:00am even existed) and proceeded to call Jake. That guy, he truly is a wonderful chap. I may just start calling him Broseidon, King of the Brocean. Clever, right? Anyway, I call him and I find out we're gonna grab coffee and eat cinna-buns. Great start to the day! I look outside and the sun is already shining brightly, though it's still 8 degrees outside. Oh, Utah! I don't bother to shower because, well, I'm sorta lazy. Slap on a couple of hoodies, a beanie, an old pair of jeans, and my Vans. I'm out the door. I drive to Jack's house (She's a good friend of ours. My kindred spirit!) and eat some cinna-buns, then drive to some random elementary school to play football in the snow. It was freezing balls. I just watched. Saw the cute hostess from Outback there. Still don't know her name. Still haven't asked. haha. After some time, we leave and I head back home to make cookies for Cassie. She was nice enough to invite me over to her uncle's house for Thanksgiving, seeing as I couldn't drive back home to spend it with my family. That's when it hit me. I was thankful for having such good friends. Jake, for always being there for me, even though he's a mollusk and lacks self motivation at times. Love you man! Cassie, for letting me spend an otherwise lonely day at home with her and her awesome family. My parents, for being so kick-ass and wanting to see me today, even though they couldn't. My life has been pretty crazy this past year. From moving back to Vegas, to living in Utah; I'm thankful that no matter where I go I'll always have my friends and family. If you can get anything out this readers, it's this: Be thankful for anything that makes you happy or gives you hope. When it boils down to it, that's what today's really about. Well, the turkey never hurt either. :)
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Where's a Muse when you need one...
I didn't think it could happen. Fabian...stricken with WRITER'S BLOCK! I usually always have something that I'd like to express via writing (or typing in this case) but my mind is blank. Am I running out of creative juices? Am I losing my creativity / originality? It makes me want to go do something stupid just so I can write about it. So, it's about two hours before I'm supposed to head to work...and there's a damn blizzard warning for the greater Salt Lake area. Yeah, BLIZZARD. Not the frozen delicious treat from Dairy Queen either. Establishments are closing left and right to "brace for impact", so to speak, and Brick Oven just spits in everyone's faces in a "Fuck that, we're staying open no matter what" sort of manner. I'm dreading driving to work today, but not as much as I'm dreading the potential drive back home afterward. Wow, I've already typed a good ten sentences. Typed diarrhea for the win! Anyway, I was sitting in bed texting a very good friend of mine, when it dawned on me: I'll ask her for a topic to write about! That will for sure get rid of my writer's block, right?! She then bluntly responds: "Write about me!" So I figure I'll give it a shot. Let me take you on a little journey to when I first met Miss Cassandra Knuth!
Mid September. Alex and I are rushing to Brick Oven to attend our midday server training. As usual, Alex took his sweet ass time so we were running a couple of minutes late. We arrived at 12 on the dot. Good thing I'm a fucking awesome driver. We sat down and proceeded to talk about the amount of clowns that were hired, in our usual fashion. Looking around the room, I see the bevy of familiar, yet at the same time, unfamiliar faces. Sure, I'd been seeing these people for about two weeks, but only for two hours a day. It's not like we talked to any of them about non work related things. For fuck's sake, I hardly even knew anyone's name! So, I was doing my usual scope of the room when out of nowhere I see these two girls I'd never seen before. Pretty good looking, but that wasn't what caught my eye. It was the fact that one of them was wearing a Justin Beiber t-shirt. Justin. Fucking. Beiber. Really? So, I figured I'd use this as a way to break the ice. Alex and I sit next to these two girls, who are still nameless to me, and I proceed to make small talk about how much of a clown Justin Beiber is. They laugh. I'm silently relieved. I learn their names: Liz and Cassie. Liz is kind of quiet. Cassie, however, is not. She's loud, kind of obnoxious, and border-line conceited, but for some reason it wasn't off-putting at all. Quite the contrary, I felt myself wanting to get to know her better. The way I figured it, there had to be more to this girl then being a loud brat! Boy was I right. As time passed and I got to talk to her more, the more I felt myself being drawn to her. We talked a lot at work, which was a very welcome distraction from the large amount of failure that happens on a daily basis at the BO. We talked about her boy troubles. She seems to fall for assholes who end up screwing her over. I know that subject all too well, I used to be one of those kind of guys. I give her advice. I'm completely and brutally honest with her. She seems to appreciate it. We talk more. She seems less obnoxious and less bratty with each conversation we hold. I can't help but genuinely like this girl. I invite her over for steak and mashed potatoes. Yes, she's a steak and mashed potatoes kind of girl. I make dinner. We talk for hours. About anything and everything. Continued boy troubles. Life. Family. I'm looking at her from across my dining room table and I'm just looking into her eyes, which are gorgeous. I'm purposefully trying to find flaws in this girl. Aside from being a tad bit immature, IMPATIENT, and kind of stubborn, I can't find any. I like everything about her. I like spending time with her. She's one of the most down to Earth people I've met in a very long time. She's not fake, and I love that about her because most girls her age are. It's crazy to me that we've become super good friends in such a short amount of time. I never thought that the girl who's friend had a Justin Beiber t-shirt would mean so much to me. As for now? Present tense? We've had our first little tussle, I'll admit, I was being a little bitch. No need to get into details, but we worked things out and now we're good friends again. So, since I know you're probably reading this Cassie, I want you to know that you're one of the sweetest, most caring people I have ever met. I can look past your tough-girl act and see who you really are. You're a good friend, I hope you never forget it. Did I also mention that I dig your hair? Oh, and your sense of humor? Can't forget about those cute ears! I kinda like your laugh too. hahahaha. Writer's block = gone. Thanks, Cass. :)
Mid September. Alex and I are rushing to Brick Oven to attend our midday server training. As usual, Alex took his sweet ass time so we were running a couple of minutes late. We arrived at 12 on the dot. Good thing I'm a fucking awesome driver. We sat down and proceeded to talk about the amount of clowns that were hired, in our usual fashion. Looking around the room, I see the bevy of familiar, yet at the same time, unfamiliar faces. Sure, I'd been seeing these people for about two weeks, but only for two hours a day. It's not like we talked to any of them about non work related things. For fuck's sake, I hardly even knew anyone's name! So, I was doing my usual scope of the room when out of nowhere I see these two girls I'd never seen before. Pretty good looking, but that wasn't what caught my eye. It was the fact that one of them was wearing a Justin Beiber t-shirt. Justin. Fucking. Beiber. Really? So, I figured I'd use this as a way to break the ice. Alex and I sit next to these two girls, who are still nameless to me, and I proceed to make small talk about how much of a clown Justin Beiber is. They laugh. I'm silently relieved. I learn their names: Liz and Cassie. Liz is kind of quiet. Cassie, however, is not. She's loud, kind of obnoxious, and border-line conceited, but for some reason it wasn't off-putting at all. Quite the contrary, I felt myself wanting to get to know her better. The way I figured it, there had to be more to this girl then being a loud brat! Boy was I right. As time passed and I got to talk to her more, the more I felt myself being drawn to her. We talked a lot at work, which was a very welcome distraction from the large amount of failure that happens on a daily basis at the BO. We talked about her boy troubles. She seems to fall for assholes who end up screwing her over. I know that subject all too well, I used to be one of those kind of guys. I give her advice. I'm completely and brutally honest with her. She seems to appreciate it. We talk more. She seems less obnoxious and less bratty with each conversation we hold. I can't help but genuinely like this girl. I invite her over for steak and mashed potatoes. Yes, she's a steak and mashed potatoes kind of girl. I make dinner. We talk for hours. About anything and everything. Continued boy troubles. Life. Family. I'm looking at her from across my dining room table and I'm just looking into her eyes, which are gorgeous. I'm purposefully trying to find flaws in this girl. Aside from being a tad bit immature, IMPATIENT, and kind of stubborn, I can't find any. I like everything about her. I like spending time with her. She's one of the most down to Earth people I've met in a very long time. She's not fake, and I love that about her because most girls her age are. It's crazy to me that we've become super good friends in such a short amount of time. I never thought that the girl who's friend had a Justin Beiber t-shirt would mean so much to me. As for now? Present tense? We've had our first little tussle, I'll admit, I was being a little bitch. No need to get into details, but we worked things out and now we're good friends again. So, since I know you're probably reading this Cassie, I want you to know that you're one of the sweetest, most caring people I have ever met. I can look past your tough-girl act and see who you really are. You're a good friend, I hope you never forget it. Did I also mention that I dig your hair? Oh, and your sense of humor? Can't forget about those cute ears! I kinda like your laugh too. hahahaha. Writer's block = gone. Thanks, Cass. :)
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Just another day in the life of an under-achiever...by choice.
11:30 am. I stepped outside into the cool autumn breeze, the crisp air clinging to my exposed skin like a newborn to it's mother. The temperature has been steadily decreasing, which is a clear indication that winter is upon us. I've always been fond of this time of year. Not because of the holidays or anything; in fact, as I've grown older I've sort of just detached myself from Christmas. I've just grown to realize how consumer driven the holiday has actually become. It's all about who gets who the flashiest gift, or who didn't get what. I love this time of year because I love being able to step outside and smell winter. It may sound odd, but I definitely believe that winter has a smell. It's the smell of burning firewood. Ever since I could remember, this smell has brought me some sort of comfort, on a subconscious level. I stepped outside today on my way to work, in the midst of a developing snow storm, and just breathed in a huge nose-load of air. It smelled like snow and burning firewood. I knew I was going to have a great day.
12:00 pm. I arrive to work in quite possibly the best mood of all time. This was due to the "winter smell", but the large amount of niacin flowing into my bloodstream had a large role to play in it as well. Thank God for Rockstar, right?
4:30 pm. My burst of Rockstar induced energy begins to dissipate and for the first time in four hours, I feel it. I'm starting to crash. Hard. My legs begin to ache, I find myself growing more and more irritable by the second, and I feel increasingly sluggish with every step I take. Normally this would be the time that I'd be going home to a cozy air mattress. Not tonight though! As if by some cruel twist of fate, Fabian is working a double shift. Without a break. Fabian is not happy.
4:32 pm. Alex brings me a Full Throttle energy drink. Looks like I'm back in the game!
4:35 pm. It kicks in. I feel the ache in my legs melt away and my mood begin to lift. I'm running at what feels like 18 times the speed of light. That's right, fuck you Einstein.
9:00 pm. I'm five tables deep, my section metaphorically in flames, and I'm fresh as a fucking daisy. NIACINNNNNN! Now the only things that are throwing coal into my good mood train are the large amount of cash in my pocket, the fact that it was snowing outside, and from time to time the thought of her. Yes, avid blog readers. HER. She's truly amazing, that girl.
9:20 pm. Spoke too soon. Five tables deep. Section now literally in flames, and I'm about as fresh as a Jawa's underpants. Niacin, why have you failed me?
10:30 pm. Fabian is officially no sat. Fanfare proceeds to chime in. My legs feel like Flan. Flan sounds good to me, because I just worked 10 1/2 hours straight, without a break. I roll my silverware, do my checkout, and get my ass home.
3:30 am. Why I'm still awake is beyond me. I literally can't move my legs, my eyelids feel like they're holding 45 lb dumbbells, and I really just want to go to sleep more than anything in the world. The thought of leaving my blog post incomplete is kind of irking me. That's for sure keeping me awake. Also, as corny as it sounds, I'm thinking about her again. I don't know why I'm surprised. It happens every single time I see her after going an extended amount of time without seeing her. The expression "out of sight, out of mind" pops into my head, and to a certain extent I'd have to agree. Not seeing her very often definitely puts her on a back burner, so to speak. Not that I feel less strongly about her when she's away or anything, don't get the wrong idea. Not a day goes by that I don't wonder how she's doing, or if she's having a good / bad day, etc. Just seeing her again brings all those feelings back to center stage. She came to visit the other day and I have to admit that it was the best day I've had in a very long time. She was so gorgeous. I swear this girl is the epitome of perfection. Seriously. Look up the word in a Webster's Dictionary and I'm pretty sure that a picture of her will be right next to it. Do you see my dilemma now?! It's hard to sleep when just thinking about her makes my heart beat a million times a second. Her eyes, her smile, the way her hair smells. It's insane. I love this girl with every fiber of my being, yet life and it's cruel circumstances denies us being together. I know with the passing of time things will return to how they were. I'll still think about her from time to time, and we'll occasionally talk. I miss her. The day she left, I worked a double as well. I rushed home in between my shifts to see her before she left. Her hair looked adorable under her beanie. We embraced, kissed, and she left. I went into my room and laid down. I could still smell her on my sheets. That's all that's left of her from her visit. She's just a scent on my sheets. I miss her.
3:48 am. Very exhausting day. The air mattress I sleep on is calling my name in an almost hypnotizing manner, like a siren's song. It's time to hit the sheets. I anticipate a 10-14 hour mini-coma is in store for me, I earned it! Worked my ass off, made almost 300 dollars, cleaned my room, and still managed to update my blog? BAM! Not bad right? I guess it's just another day in the life of yours truly. :)
-Fabian
-Fabian
12:00 pm. I arrive to work in quite possibly the best mood of all time. This was due to the "winter smell", but the large amount of niacin flowing into my bloodstream had a large role to play in it as well. Thank God for Rockstar, right?
4:30 pm. My burst of Rockstar induced energy begins to dissipate and for the first time in four hours, I feel it. I'm starting to crash. Hard. My legs begin to ache, I find myself growing more and more irritable by the second, and I feel increasingly sluggish with every step I take. Normally this would be the time that I'd be going home to a cozy air mattress. Not tonight though! As if by some cruel twist of fate, Fabian is working a double shift. Without a break. Fabian is not happy.
4:32 pm. Alex brings me a Full Throttle energy drink. Looks like I'm back in the game!
4:35 pm. It kicks in. I feel the ache in my legs melt away and my mood begin to lift. I'm running at what feels like 18 times the speed of light. That's right, fuck you Einstein.
9:00 pm. I'm five tables deep, my section metaphorically in flames, and I'm fresh as a fucking daisy. NIACINNNNNN! Now the only things that are throwing coal into my good mood train are the large amount of cash in my pocket, the fact that it was snowing outside, and from time to time the thought of her. Yes, avid blog readers. HER. She's truly amazing, that girl.
9:20 pm. Spoke too soon. Five tables deep. Section now literally in flames, and I'm about as fresh as a Jawa's underpants. Niacin, why have you failed me?
10:30 pm. Fabian is officially no sat. Fanfare proceeds to chime in. My legs feel like Flan. Flan sounds good to me, because I just worked 10 1/2 hours straight, without a break. I roll my silverware, do my checkout, and get my ass home.
3:30 am. Why I'm still awake is beyond me. I literally can't move my legs, my eyelids feel like they're holding 45 lb dumbbells, and I really just want to go to sleep more than anything in the world. The thought of leaving my blog post incomplete is kind of irking me. That's for sure keeping me awake. Also, as corny as it sounds, I'm thinking about her again. I don't know why I'm surprised. It happens every single time I see her after going an extended amount of time without seeing her. The expression "out of sight, out of mind" pops into my head, and to a certain extent I'd have to agree. Not seeing her very often definitely puts her on a back burner, so to speak. Not that I feel less strongly about her when she's away or anything, don't get the wrong idea. Not a day goes by that I don't wonder how she's doing, or if she's having a good / bad day, etc. Just seeing her again brings all those feelings back to center stage. She came to visit the other day and I have to admit that it was the best day I've had in a very long time. She was so gorgeous. I swear this girl is the epitome of perfection. Seriously. Look up the word in a Webster's Dictionary and I'm pretty sure that a picture of her will be right next to it. Do you see my dilemma now?! It's hard to sleep when just thinking about her makes my heart beat a million times a second. Her eyes, her smile, the way her hair smells. It's insane. I love this girl with every fiber of my being, yet life and it's cruel circumstances denies us being together. I know with the passing of time things will return to how they were. I'll still think about her from time to time, and we'll occasionally talk. I miss her. The day she left, I worked a double as well. I rushed home in between my shifts to see her before she left. Her hair looked adorable under her beanie. We embraced, kissed, and she left. I went into my room and laid down. I could still smell her on my sheets. That's all that's left of her from her visit. She's just a scent on my sheets. I miss her.
3:48 am. Very exhausting day. The air mattress I sleep on is calling my name in an almost hypnotizing manner, like a siren's song. It's time to hit the sheets. I anticipate a 10-14 hour mini-coma is in store for me, I earned it! Worked my ass off, made almost 300 dollars, cleaned my room, and still managed to update my blog? BAM! Not bad right? I guess it's just another day in the life of yours truly. :)
-Fabian
-Fabian
Monday, November 15, 2010
The Summarized 30 Day Survey thing.
So Britney, I totally jacked this off of your blog. It seemed pretty interesting, and it's more for me than anyone else. If someone happens to read it, cool. So, for those of you tuned in, this apparently is the "Summarized 30 Day Survey". I really hate to go "Myspace" on everyone and post a fucking survey on my blog, but this is one that you're supposed to do over the course of 30 days. And some of these questions need to be answered by me, to me. For my own mental stability. Enjoy.
Something you hate about yourself.
Hmm. A toughie really. I sometimes feel like a borderline narcissist. But if I had to pinpoint something I really just don't like about myself, I'd have to say its how completely and utterly lazy I can be. Don't get me wrong, for the most part I'm a very driven and goal-oriented individual, but when I switch in to "lazy mode", forget it. That turns into "procrastination mode", which morphs into "complete lack of care mode", and then leads to "smoke a lot of pot and do nothing all day mode". I have done and seen a lot of things in my short 22 years on this rock, but I know that I've also missed out on a bunch due to my laziness. Finally maturing a bit (yes, a bit) and actually going out and seeing places and things finally put it into scope for me. No more laziness! (At least not as often as before. haha)
Something you love about yourself.
Here we go! This is more like it. Where to begin?! I mean, there are just SO many things that I LOVE about myself! Real talk, I may put on this sort of persona for people in which I'm just an ego maniacal, self centered, cocky jerk, but it's all for laughs. I'd like to believe, and my close friends can attest, that I'm just a fun loving, down to earth guy. What I love about myself is my never-ending supply of optimism. Throughout my life, I guess there's nothing I could do that others couldn't. I guess I've always just been dumb enough to give things a shot that most wouldn't. Eccentric enough to figure out a way around, some of my limits. And care-free enough to accept failure, over and over again. Each and every time, with the naive anticipation of success. And I love that about myself because most people aren't like that. The reason I'm still alive and I think my only true gift, is the ability to analyze and react with mental clarity in truly horrible situations. Well, that plus a lot of luck. :) Oh, I've also been told I have a kick-ass smile, an awesome and easy to get along with personality, and devilishly handsome good looks. Aaaaaaannnnnndddd he's back!
Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Honestly, this is a tough one. It's probably going to be a tie. I've done a lot of retarded shit in my life. I've hurt a lot of people, mainly the people whom are closest to me. If I had to forgive myself for anything, it would be for causing my loved ones so much grief and pain. I know they've forgiven me for it, but I think that's something that I still need to work on just letting go. The second one is going to definitely be letting that person (if you're reading this, you know who you are) go all those years ago. No regrets, but literally one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made, and I'm still paying for it to this day. Forgive yourself, Fabian.
Something you have to forgive someone for.
Can't be a complete and total asshole without some form of daddy issue eh? If I have to forgive anyone for anything, that spot's reserved to the sperm donor. I never met the guy, and I was too little to remember him, but the fact that he was such a spineless fuck and bailed on my mom and my sister disgusts me. Don't get me wrong, we turned out perfectly fine. My mom met a great dude and married him when I was two, so he's the only dad I've ever known, but I think on some sort of subconscious level my biological father bailing on us has kind of fucked me up. My close friends and family say that I should just contact him and mesh things out. They say I'll feel better if I do. I don't know. I know I NEED to forgive him before it's too late. I'm just not sure if I want to, or if he even deserves it.
Something you hope to do in your life.
Oooohh! So many things to choose from. I'll narrow it down to a few, the most important ones. Number 1! I hope to raise a family and be the best husband / father to ever walk the earth. Better than Bob Sagat in Full House. Yup. Number 2. I hope to be able to graduate and find a job that I love to do. My mind's been scrambling the last couple of days and I know what my calling is. Music and writing. Lets get it done! Number 3. I hope to, after I graduate college, plan a trip to Europe and Asia and see the fuckin' world. I want to backpack and experience different cultures and I won't front, I want to eat all the food. I want to experience life!
Something you hope you never have to do.
Easy. I hope I never have to be lowering the casket on my children or my wife. Oh, I also hope I never have to eat dog shit. That'd be way gross.
Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Is it completely fucked up that even before I finished reading the question I knew who it was? Cynicism aside, I think that I have made my own life worth living for. Through my fuck ups, my achievements, my falls and my rises, I can sit here and tell you that you shouldn't live your life for anyone but yourself. That being said, I can't really entirely stand by that because while, yes, I have played a pivotal role in making my life worth living, so has someone else. Laura, I don't think I would have made it this far without you. You have done so much for me without even realizing it. You know what you gave me? Hope. That's something that no one will ever take from me and that I still carry to this day. I love you.
Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
This one's also gonna have to go to me. Its true when they say that you're your own worst enemy. For a few years in the latter part of my adolescence, I really was the only person making my life as shitty as it was. Since then, I've learned about self worth (maybe a little too much) and have moved onto bigger and better things. Someone else kind of indirectly made my life hell for a while during my late teens, but I think it'd be best to leave that person unnamed and bury the fuckin' hatch. :)
Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Laura. Plain and simple. We're close now, and we've come a very long way from being two stupid teenagers sitting on a park bench, but we've definitely strayed a bit, which I think we've both been trying to remedy. I'd also have to say my really good friend Aly. I wish things didn't go down they way they did. You were an awesome friend Aly, and I treated you wrong. I hope you know that I'm sorry and I miss you.
Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Meh. I think everyone I've met and things that I've experienced have made me the person that I am today. No regrets. Even the people who flat out don't like me. They say bad press is still press, right? haha
Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
My smile, for sure. Life is too damn short to NOT be smiling all the time, right? Plus, this smile cost my folks three grand, better show it off! I also get told how tall I am, like, ALL the time. Not sure if it's a compliment, but I hear it enough to start taking it as such. :)
Something you never get compliments on.
Something I never get compliments on? Hmm...Well, I've never been complimented on my ruggedly handsome features, which leads me to believe that either A) I don't have ruggedly handsome features, or B) People are SO dumbfounded by my rugged handsomeness, that they can't put it into words. A is probably true, but B gets me through the day. Truth is, I look 12.
A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough days.
Anything in my current iPod. Trust me, being a person who's life revolves around music, for me it was specific songs that got me through tough times rather than bands as a whole. "My Heroine" by Silverstein, "Don't Call Me Peanut" by Bayside, and "Alive with the Glory of Love" by Say Anything are just a few examples.
A hero that has let you down.
I think I'm fortunate enough to look up to the right people. Luckily, none of them have let me down. Yet.
Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
I'm taking this as a two part question. Something I couldn't live without would definitely be, at the expense of sounding extremely cliche', my cell phone. Tried it for a week and I almost died. Literally. Almost died.(Blown water pump on Jake's Ford Fuckus, stranded in BFE Nevada) SomeONE I couldn't live without, would definitely be my madre. Sounds gay, I know, but that lady has put up with more just from me, than most parents put up with from 3 or 4 kids. I have stolen from her, lied to her repeatedly, and been the biggest asshole to her at times, but she still loves me unconditionally. Which is awesome for me, because you don't really find that anywhere else nowadays. Not everyone cares enough to look past your flaws and still think the sun shines out of your ass. I love you mom! And all this was typed at the expense of sounding like a total momma's boy. Which I'm not. Ok, maybe a little.
Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Cancer. Too blunt?
A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Any of the Harry Potters! Life changing! Sorry, I'll stop trolling. My Friend Leonard and A Million Little Pieces helped me through some tough spots and definitely changed my outlook when it was grim at best. Also, The Picture of Dorian Gray made me change the way I look at people in general.
Your views on gay marriage.
If they want to be as miserable as straight people, by all means. Let the gays get married, America, for real.
What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
The two things you're supposed to never talk about, meshed into a single question? Challenge accepted! The following statement may or may not offend some of you, but this is my blog so I could care less. Religion to me is a bunch of bullshit. Especially the made up religions like Scientology and Mormonism. Mormonism, which if you really think about, was the Scientology of it's time. They were both created by drug addicted sociopaths. Now, as for the OTHER religions, mainly Christianity, I personally feel like they're here mainly as a way to help people get through their days and cope with the idea of dying. I would much rather believe that when I die I get to go to some magical place in the clouds instead of just rotting in the ground, but we also have to be realistic here. Religion is a bunch of bull. Plain and simple. Does that mean I don't believe in a higher power? Absolutely not. I do believe there are forces at work here that are bigger than just you or me. I don't need a religion to know that or tell me that, though. The idea of God is one thing; when people start throwing religion into the fray is when things get fucked up. It's great on paper, but the heart of man is full of greed. Science flies people to the moon, religion flies people into buildings. Nuff said. Now, onto politics. The majority of our nation's politicians are crooks and liars who are simply trying to push their capitalistic-consumer agendas on to all of us. If the Forefathers would have known just how corrupt the government they fought so hard to create would become, I'm sure things would be different.
Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Now, being someone who was completely and utterly lost to drugs, my opinion may be a bit biased, so I'll start with alcohol. I'm of age. Do I think it's wrong to indulge in the consumption of alcohol in a safe environment from time to time? Absolutely not. I'll admit, I like to drink beer with food. It's delicious to me. Do I go out with the intent to get smashed? No. Does it happen? Sometimes. But I don't drink with the intention of using it as some sort of escape mechanism. That's where the problem lies. People who use drugs and alcohol as a means to escape their problems or everyday lives. I'll be the first to admit that I recreationally smoke marijuana. Do I do it to numb myself from how bad my life is? No, because my life is awesome. I smoke it because it's fun and makes you feel rad. Obviously I do this in an environment in which I'm not putting myself of others in danger. People are so down on the Mary Jane, when in reality, it would solve more problems by legalizing it then it would create. Legalize it, sell it, tax the shit out if it. Voila. Instant money maker. Since the government would be growing it and selling it, not to mention taxing it, that would be money straight into their pockets, hence getting the country out of this retarded recession that Obama has failed to get us out of. My mentality is, if grows in the ground and nothing is added to it, you should be good to go. Here's a little message though, little inspirational quip. There's nothing in this life that you CAN'T turn into heroin. Remember that.
(Scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Not let some petty fucking argument get in the way of me and my best friend. I'd drop whatever I was doing and help my best friend. What a retarded question.
Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
On one end I could say drugs, because I'd probably be in a completely different spot in life. At the same time though, all of my fuck ups and my flaws, and the stupid choices that I've made have led me to this very spot. I like where I am and I like the person that I've become. Wouldn't change it for anything.
Something you wish you had done in your life.
Gone to college right out of high school. Taking that year break was a terrible idea hahaha. That, and I wish I'd had the balls back in high school to say what I really felt to the person who meant the most to me.
Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
You know the songs, and you know who you are. :)
The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Honestly? Luck. Lot's of fucking luck. Luck and optimism, for sure. Things get better. Sometimes they just have to get extremely fucked up before they do. It's always darkest before dawn, or so I've heard. :)
Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
You know, there were a few times when shit got to the point where I honestly thought: "Wow, I could just die right now and this would be over. All the bullshit and tough times. Gone." but it never got to the point in which I wanted to act on it. Like I said earlier, I'm blessed with being extremely optimistic and that definitely got me through the points in my life where I didn't think I'd be able to make it. The best way out....is always through.
What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Everything. I'm at a point in my life that I haven't been in a while, and that's completely and utterly happy. I have a great job, I'm starting school again, I have the best friends a guy could ask for. My life is the best thing I got going for me right now. Hands down. Only thing I really need now is a lady friend....hahaha
What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Raise the little shit. Love him (yes, him. I'm only having boys.) unconditionally. If you made the conscious decision to be hittin' the sheets without protection, then you have to man the fuck up and take responsibility for your decision. Because, for the most part, sexual intercourse without the use of contraceptives leads to pregnancy. Wrap that shit up and you won't have issues!
Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
I hope to change, or tweak rather, certain aspects of my life. The biggest one being my health. I'll be the first to admit that since my move to Utah, I've been slacking on the healthy food department. I've been eating like shit. I want to be healthy and fit. I want to get back into the groove of hitting the gym 4 times a week and eating healthy. I also hope to change my sometimes lack of motivation and overall laziness. I'm a work in progress, people!
A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.
My kind of thing right here!
Dear Fabian,
Hey man, it's me....you. Just wanted to let you know that I love everything about you. You're funny, smart, a great listener, and an even greater friend. You have a family that loves you and friends that would do anything for you. You like to front like you're a tough guy, but I know that deep down you're one of the most caring individuals I know. But what I love most about you is everything you're not. You're not desperate for anyone's approval or attention. You're not fake. You're not a carbon copy of every other dude. You're unique as fuck man! You're perfect just the way you are, even with all of your flaws and issues. You just gotta find someone who feels the same way about you as I do! That being said, quit being such a lazy ass, finish your fucking Bachelor's, hit the gym and get back in shape, quit being such a pussy and just tell her how you fucking feel...be an Alpha Male! Most of all, cherish every moment as if it were your last. I love you man, I'm looking forward to spending the rest of eternity with you, whether it be rotting in the ground or in some magical cloud kingdom. :)
Yours Truly,
Fabian
Something you hate about yourself.
Hmm. A toughie really. I sometimes feel like a borderline narcissist. But if I had to pinpoint something I really just don't like about myself, I'd have to say its how completely and utterly lazy I can be. Don't get me wrong, for the most part I'm a very driven and goal-oriented individual, but when I switch in to "lazy mode", forget it. That turns into "procrastination mode", which morphs into "complete lack of care mode", and then leads to "smoke a lot of pot and do nothing all day mode". I have done and seen a lot of things in my short 22 years on this rock, but I know that I've also missed out on a bunch due to my laziness. Finally maturing a bit (yes, a bit) and actually going out and seeing places and things finally put it into scope for me. No more laziness! (At least not as often as before. haha)
Something you love about yourself.
Here we go! This is more like it. Where to begin?! I mean, there are just SO many things that I LOVE about myself! Real talk, I may put on this sort of persona for people in which I'm just an ego maniacal, self centered, cocky jerk, but it's all for laughs. I'd like to believe, and my close friends can attest, that I'm just a fun loving, down to earth guy. What I love about myself is my never-ending supply of optimism. Throughout my life, I guess there's nothing I could do that others couldn't. I guess I've always just been dumb enough to give things a shot that most wouldn't. Eccentric enough to figure out a way around, some of my limits. And care-free enough to accept failure, over and over again. Each and every time, with the naive anticipation of success. And I love that about myself because most people aren't like that. The reason I'm still alive and I think my only true gift, is the ability to analyze and react with mental clarity in truly horrible situations. Well, that plus a lot of luck. :) Oh, I've also been told I have a kick-ass smile, an awesome and easy to get along with personality, and devilishly handsome good looks. Aaaaaaannnnnndddd he's back!
Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Honestly, this is a tough one. It's probably going to be a tie. I've done a lot of retarded shit in my life. I've hurt a lot of people, mainly the people whom are closest to me. If I had to forgive myself for anything, it would be for causing my loved ones so much grief and pain. I know they've forgiven me for it, but I think that's something that I still need to work on just letting go. The second one is going to definitely be letting that person (if you're reading this, you know who you are) go all those years ago. No regrets, but literally one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made, and I'm still paying for it to this day. Forgive yourself, Fabian.
Something you have to forgive someone for.
Can't be a complete and total asshole without some form of daddy issue eh? If I have to forgive anyone for anything, that spot's reserved to the sperm donor. I never met the guy, and I was too little to remember him, but the fact that he was such a spineless fuck and bailed on my mom and my sister disgusts me. Don't get me wrong, we turned out perfectly fine. My mom met a great dude and married him when I was two, so he's the only dad I've ever known, but I think on some sort of subconscious level my biological father bailing on us has kind of fucked me up. My close friends and family say that I should just contact him and mesh things out. They say I'll feel better if I do. I don't know. I know I NEED to forgive him before it's too late. I'm just not sure if I want to, or if he even deserves it.
Something you hope to do in your life.
Oooohh! So many things to choose from. I'll narrow it down to a few, the most important ones. Number 1! I hope to raise a family and be the best husband / father to ever walk the earth. Better than Bob Sagat in Full House. Yup. Number 2. I hope to be able to graduate and find a job that I love to do. My mind's been scrambling the last couple of days and I know what my calling is. Music and writing. Lets get it done! Number 3. I hope to, after I graduate college, plan a trip to Europe and Asia and see the fuckin' world. I want to backpack and experience different cultures and I won't front, I want to eat all the food. I want to experience life!
Something you hope you never have to do.
Easy. I hope I never have to be lowering the casket on my children or my wife. Oh, I also hope I never have to eat dog shit. That'd be way gross.
Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Is it completely fucked up that even before I finished reading the question I knew who it was? Cynicism aside, I think that I have made my own life worth living for. Through my fuck ups, my achievements, my falls and my rises, I can sit here and tell you that you shouldn't live your life for anyone but yourself. That being said, I can't really entirely stand by that because while, yes, I have played a pivotal role in making my life worth living, so has someone else. Laura, I don't think I would have made it this far without you. You have done so much for me without even realizing it. You know what you gave me? Hope. That's something that no one will ever take from me and that I still carry to this day. I love you.
Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
This one's also gonna have to go to me. Its true when they say that you're your own worst enemy. For a few years in the latter part of my adolescence, I really was the only person making my life as shitty as it was. Since then, I've learned about self worth (maybe a little too much) and have moved onto bigger and better things. Someone else kind of indirectly made my life hell for a while during my late teens, but I think it'd be best to leave that person unnamed and bury the fuckin' hatch. :)
Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Laura. Plain and simple. We're close now, and we've come a very long way from being two stupid teenagers sitting on a park bench, but we've definitely strayed a bit, which I think we've both been trying to remedy. I'd also have to say my really good friend Aly. I wish things didn't go down they way they did. You were an awesome friend Aly, and I treated you wrong. I hope you know that I'm sorry and I miss you.
Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Meh. I think everyone I've met and things that I've experienced have made me the person that I am today. No regrets. Even the people who flat out don't like me. They say bad press is still press, right? haha
Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
My smile, for sure. Life is too damn short to NOT be smiling all the time, right? Plus, this smile cost my folks three grand, better show it off! I also get told how tall I am, like, ALL the time. Not sure if it's a compliment, but I hear it enough to start taking it as such. :)
Something you never get compliments on.
Something I never get compliments on? Hmm...Well, I've never been complimented on my ruggedly handsome features, which leads me to believe that either A) I don't have ruggedly handsome features, or B) People are SO dumbfounded by my rugged handsomeness, that they can't put it into words. A is probably true, but B gets me through the day. Truth is, I look 12.
A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough days.
Anything in my current iPod. Trust me, being a person who's life revolves around music, for me it was specific songs that got me through tough times rather than bands as a whole. "My Heroine" by Silverstein, "Don't Call Me Peanut" by Bayside, and "Alive with the Glory of Love" by Say Anything are just a few examples.
A hero that has let you down.
I think I'm fortunate enough to look up to the right people. Luckily, none of them have let me down. Yet.
Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
I'm taking this as a two part question. Something I couldn't live without would definitely be, at the expense of sounding extremely cliche', my cell phone. Tried it for a week and I almost died. Literally. Almost died.(Blown water pump on Jake's Ford Fuckus, stranded in BFE Nevada) SomeONE I couldn't live without, would definitely be my madre. Sounds gay, I know, but that lady has put up with more just from me, than most parents put up with from 3 or 4 kids. I have stolen from her, lied to her repeatedly, and been the biggest asshole to her at times, but she still loves me unconditionally. Which is awesome for me, because you don't really find that anywhere else nowadays. Not everyone cares enough to look past your flaws and still think the sun shines out of your ass. I love you mom! And all this was typed at the expense of sounding like a total momma's boy. Which I'm not. Ok, maybe a little.
Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Cancer. Too blunt?
A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Any of the Harry Potters! Life changing! Sorry, I'll stop trolling. My Friend Leonard and A Million Little Pieces helped me through some tough spots and definitely changed my outlook when it was grim at best. Also, The Picture of Dorian Gray made me change the way I look at people in general.
Your views on gay marriage.
If they want to be as miserable as straight people, by all means. Let the gays get married, America, for real.
What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
The two things you're supposed to never talk about, meshed into a single question? Challenge accepted! The following statement may or may not offend some of you, but this is my blog so I could care less. Religion to me is a bunch of bullshit. Especially the made up religions like Scientology and Mormonism. Mormonism, which if you really think about, was the Scientology of it's time. They were both created by drug addicted sociopaths. Now, as for the OTHER religions, mainly Christianity, I personally feel like they're here mainly as a way to help people get through their days and cope with the idea of dying. I would much rather believe that when I die I get to go to some magical place in the clouds instead of just rotting in the ground, but we also have to be realistic here. Religion is a bunch of bull. Plain and simple. Does that mean I don't believe in a higher power? Absolutely not. I do believe there are forces at work here that are bigger than just you or me. I don't need a religion to know that or tell me that, though. The idea of God is one thing; when people start throwing religion into the fray is when things get fucked up. It's great on paper, but the heart of man is full of greed. Science flies people to the moon, religion flies people into buildings. Nuff said. Now, onto politics. The majority of our nation's politicians are crooks and liars who are simply trying to push their capitalistic-consumer agendas on to all of us. If the Forefathers would have known just how corrupt the government they fought so hard to create would become, I'm sure things would be different.
Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Now, being someone who was completely and utterly lost to drugs, my opinion may be a bit biased, so I'll start with alcohol. I'm of age. Do I think it's wrong to indulge in the consumption of alcohol in a safe environment from time to time? Absolutely not. I'll admit, I like to drink beer with food. It's delicious to me. Do I go out with the intent to get smashed? No. Does it happen? Sometimes. But I don't drink with the intention of using it as some sort of escape mechanism. That's where the problem lies. People who use drugs and alcohol as a means to escape their problems or everyday lives. I'll be the first to admit that I recreationally smoke marijuana. Do I do it to numb myself from how bad my life is? No, because my life is awesome. I smoke it because it's fun and makes you feel rad. Obviously I do this in an environment in which I'm not putting myself of others in danger. People are so down on the Mary Jane, when in reality, it would solve more problems by legalizing it then it would create. Legalize it, sell it, tax the shit out if it. Voila. Instant money maker. Since the government would be growing it and selling it, not to mention taxing it, that would be money straight into their pockets, hence getting the country out of this retarded recession that Obama has failed to get us out of. My mentality is, if grows in the ground and nothing is added to it, you should be good to go. Here's a little message though, little inspirational quip. There's nothing in this life that you CAN'T turn into heroin. Remember that.
(Scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Not let some petty fucking argument get in the way of me and my best friend. I'd drop whatever I was doing and help my best friend. What a retarded question.
Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
On one end I could say drugs, because I'd probably be in a completely different spot in life. At the same time though, all of my fuck ups and my flaws, and the stupid choices that I've made have led me to this very spot. I like where I am and I like the person that I've become. Wouldn't change it for anything.
Something you wish you had done in your life.
Gone to college right out of high school. Taking that year break was a terrible idea hahaha. That, and I wish I'd had the balls back in high school to say what I really felt to the person who meant the most to me.
Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
You know the songs, and you know who you are. :)
The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Honestly? Luck. Lot's of fucking luck. Luck and optimism, for sure. Things get better. Sometimes they just have to get extremely fucked up before they do. It's always darkest before dawn, or so I've heard. :)
Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
You know, there were a few times when shit got to the point where I honestly thought: "Wow, I could just die right now and this would be over. All the bullshit and tough times. Gone." but it never got to the point in which I wanted to act on it. Like I said earlier, I'm blessed with being extremely optimistic and that definitely got me through the points in my life where I didn't think I'd be able to make it. The best way out....is always through.
What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Everything. I'm at a point in my life that I haven't been in a while, and that's completely and utterly happy. I have a great job, I'm starting school again, I have the best friends a guy could ask for. My life is the best thing I got going for me right now. Hands down. Only thing I really need now is a lady friend....hahaha
What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Raise the little shit. Love him (yes, him. I'm only having boys.) unconditionally. If you made the conscious decision to be hittin' the sheets without protection, then you have to man the fuck up and take responsibility for your decision. Because, for the most part, sexual intercourse without the use of contraceptives leads to pregnancy. Wrap that shit up and you won't have issues!
Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
I hope to change, or tweak rather, certain aspects of my life. The biggest one being my health. I'll be the first to admit that since my move to Utah, I've been slacking on the healthy food department. I've been eating like shit. I want to be healthy and fit. I want to get back into the groove of hitting the gym 4 times a week and eating healthy. I also hope to change my sometimes lack of motivation and overall laziness. I'm a work in progress, people!
A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.
My kind of thing right here!
Dear Fabian,
Hey man, it's me....you. Just wanted to let you know that I love everything about you. You're funny, smart, a great listener, and an even greater friend. You have a family that loves you and friends that would do anything for you. You like to front like you're a tough guy, but I know that deep down you're one of the most caring individuals I know. But what I love most about you is everything you're not. You're not desperate for anyone's approval or attention. You're not fake. You're not a carbon copy of every other dude. You're unique as fuck man! You're perfect just the way you are, even with all of your flaws and issues. You just gotta find someone who feels the same way about you as I do! That being said, quit being such a lazy ass, finish your fucking Bachelor's, hit the gym and get back in shape, quit being such a pussy and just tell her how you fucking feel...be an Alpha Male! Most of all, cherish every moment as if it were your last. I love you man, I'm looking forward to spending the rest of eternity with you, whether it be rotting in the ground or in some magical cloud kingdom. :)
Yours Truly,
Fabian
I swear I'm not dead.
It's been a while since I updated this thing. Utah's been keeping me rather busy. I have officially lived in this state for approximately two and a half months and so far, it's been grand. Working at Brick Oven is pretty laid back. People there are generally nice, although the vast majority of them have never worked as servers or even in a restaurant setting for that matter. My roommate Alex and I work together at Brick Oven, which we kindly refer to as our "little kid job". It's been consistently busy which is money in my pockets. I'm not sure how we'll do once the hype of a new restaurant wears down, but by then I should have enough money saved up to not really worry too much. I've met a lot of very interesting people so far. Most of them are either very religious (Mormons, no less) or extremely anti-church or anti-religion. That makes for a pretty eclectic group of acquaintances. Other than all of that, my life has become a sort of routine. Wake up, go to work, come home, hang out, sleep. Rinse and repeat. I'm very excited to break the monotony of this routine by going to school again next semester. I also broke what has become my norm by attending a few concerts. I saw Atmosphere live for the first time and I have to say that Slug and Ant can put on a show! Their set was phenomenal, and something that Slug said to the crowd as they departed has really stuck with me. He said something along the lines of "Life is too short for you to be sad or angry or frustrated all the time. Each day is a blessing, and each day should be treated as if it were the best day of your life. Thank you all for being a part of the best day of my life." I had an epiphany then and there. He's fucking right, man! I'm worried about all this mundane, meaningless bullshit. There's no point. Each day should be the best day of your life. On top of that, I went to see quite possibly my favorite band for the time being, Circa Survive, and their lead singer Anthony Green said something that further fueled my epiphany. He went on to thank the fans in a very stereotypical fashion, but then he said this: "It's crazy to me that we're doing this. I would have never thought in a millions years that I'd be here and have so many faces singing these songs back to me. You can do this too. You could be doing this. There's no reason why any of you can't be what you want to be. If you don't want to go to school, don't. You don't need to work your shitty job. Follow your dreams." It sounds kind of gay, even to me as I type it, but the energy in the room while he was saying this to everyone was purely spectacular. I literally felt moved. I know what I want to do with my life, and it lies in music. And writing. So recap: Work rocks, met tons of chill people (couple of nice girls too! ;]), AND had numerous epiphanies about the direction my life is taking. Not bad for two months, eh?
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