Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Another year older...

...another year wiser. My birthday was yesterday. Yesterday, June 13th, marks the 23rd year since I was born. It's kind of weird to think about, you know? Like, if you sit there and REALLY think about it, I've been alive for almost a quarter-century! A lot has happened in the twenty three years I've been alive. I've been through a lot of shit, seen a lot of things, and met a lot of people. Each and every good experience and misadventure has shaped and molded me into who I am today. My character, my views, philosophies, etc. I've never been one for birthdays, or at least, one to make a big deal about them. I feel as though its just another day. Yesterday was no different. I did my normal routine of early day work out to start, and about midday me and the crew went to Chipotle to eat. Came home, did some laundry, kicked it with Bryce, and later in the evening went and had dinner at Rooster's. Nothing too over the top or fancy. I didn't recieve any gifts, or better yet, any tangible gifts. I was able to talk to most of the people who matter the most in my life, and that's good enough for me. I was super happy with how many people sent me their love and birthday wishes my way. After dinner, I arrived home and made sure to thank everyone who wished me a happy birthday, and afterwards I decided to take a step outside and look up at the stars, to get lost in my thoughts. What impact have I made on the people closest to me in my twenty-three years of life? Like I've said, I've been to a lot of places and met countless people, very few of which I actually consider friends. How have I impacted their lives? How have they impacted mine? That's really what it's all about, right? Just like in that movie "Into the Wild". The protagonist goes on this trek to find himself and to find happiness...alone, only to realize that true happiness is only achieved when shared with others. If I were to die tomorrow, I really wouldn't have much to show for the life I've lived. I don't have a college degree, I don't have children to carry on my name or legacy...yet I feel as if I died tomorrow I'd be okay with how I lived my life. If I were given the option to redo my life differently, I wouldn't change a thing. I can say that without a shadow of a doubt. I think this way of thinking only comes from the maturity gained through life experiences and how they're handled. I can tell you for damn sure that eighteen-year-old Fabian and twenty-three-year-old Fabian are two totally different people. Sure, in essence I think I'll always be the goofy kid who likes to crack jokes, make people laugh, and all that good shit. That's in my personality. I definitely know that my views on people and the world in general are way different now than they were back when I was younger. Who knows how I'll view things in another three or four years, you know? As for right now, I'm riding this newly discovered wave of drive and determination. I may not have a degree or anything, which is cool, but I'm damn sure not waiting tables for the rest of my life. I'm hellbent on bettering my life and myself as a person. The rest should just fall into place after that, or at least I hope. So happy birthday Fabian. Here's to another good year full of success and happiness. Go me!

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

And the burning of bridges begins.

Life's been more than extraordinary for me lately. I'm finally out of the funk I was in a couple of months ago, which seemed almost never ending. My new-found productivity has just been spilling over into every facet of my life. I've been waking up extremely early every morning to work out with recently acquired friends. This in turn has made me realize how productive I can be, and has rejuvenated me. I feel phenomenal. I'm finally getting things done with time to spare, instead of my normal route of procrastination. I went for a hike yesterday. Adam's Canyon. It's a local trail that everyone seems to know about. The Fabian of two or three months ago would have sat in his room, blazing away and watching t.v or playing video games. Not anymore! I feel so good about myself now and my life as a whole. The old me is starting to be on the forefront. The Fabian who was ambitious and full of energy and life. We hiked up this fucking mountain for hours. It was difficult at times. I wanted to stop and rest, but I needed to prove to myself I could do it. I pushed myself and reaped the rewards of my hard work; a view of a 100 foot waterfall. Not to mention that I was surrounded by the people I've grown to love here in Utah. My surrogate family. The people I would do anything for. Which brings me to my point. I've realized how shady and manipulative some people really are, hiding behind a facade of humility and sincerity. My perspective on life has been slowly changing, and this clarity makes it easy to see who my real friends are. Friends that would do anything for ME, much the same as I would do for them. Friends who aren't situational friends; meaning those kind of people who tend to only hit you up when THEY need something or when THEY have a problem. Call this a rant, but I'm trying to rid myself of the negative aspects of my life, starting with these kind of people. Truth be told, I only have myself to blame for associating myself with those kind of people, hoping that I'd be wrong about them but knowing deep down I'm not. Fuck spring cleaning, this is a summer purge. I'm burning these bridges and not glancing back. I'm slowly molding my life into what I want it to be, and they won't be a part of it. And you know what? I'm more than okay with that. I'll stay true to my real friends and surround myself with positivity. This is the start of something big. I can feel it. Let's see what the universe has in store for me.