McGriddles: God's gift to humanity, or heart attack wrapped in pancake? You be the judge.

It has come to my attention that many McDonald's restaurants no longer serve McGriddle sandwiches for breakfast. This is an outrage. A buddy of mine and I got into a pretty heated argument over this and I had to whip out the Tucker Max quotes. If you don't know who Tucker Max is, I highly suggest picking up his New York Times Bestselling book: "I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell", which is literally one of the funniest things I've ever read in my entire life. Tucker Max's claim to fame is a life of opportunistic sex, drunkenness and partying while managing to fumble through college and grad school. He's my kind of guy, although a bit older. All of us have had similar exploits which is why I like the guy. A lot of people hate on him, but whatever. Back to the subject at hand, my friend Will said that McGriddles are less than favorable upon one's palate and I had to disagree because I think they're fucking delicious. So I read him this excerpt from IHTSBIH:


Tucker Max : "Dude--That thing looks disgusting. It has to be nasty, with the syrup shit in it. What is that?"


Guy2 : "I can only assume from your cavalier attitude that you have not yet partaken the wonderment that is the McGriddle. Let me enlighten you. What happens is the One True God grows them on trees in the Elysian Fields using a heretofore unused incantation. He then proceeds to magic them down to your local eatery where whatever Ghetto Bastard cook your McDonalds has rescued from welfare that week proceeds to wrap it in cellophane and pass it along to you, the fortunate consumer. You proceed to ingest this finery in the vain hope that your obviously overmatched taste buds can somehow grasp the delectable intricacies it is suddenly faced with. Is that egg? Why yes it is, and bacon too. But wait-They didn't add... yes they did, yes they did indeed. They added cheese. And then, then my friends, they wrapped it in a sumptuous pancake bun! As your taste buds try to process that amazing piece of information, IT hits them... the syrup nugget. THE MOTHERFUCKING SYRUP NUGGET!!! It announces itself with a burst of confectionery grandiosity the likes of which your palate has never seen."


Tucker : "So you like them?"


Guy2 : "If you EVER speak ill of the McGriddle again I will personally force-feed you one while I fuck you in the butt using the wrapper as a condom and then donkey punch you when the infused syrup nuggets explode in your mouth."

Now I for one may or may not have a biased opinion. My aunt has worked at McDonald's for years now. (Immigration laws in America suck. People get all whiney when you dont have a Social Security Number. Yup, go ahead and insert random Mexican jokes now. I'll wait.....Done?) She'd always bring us free Micky D's, more importantly, free McGriddles. I always wondered why I was such a fat kid too. Never dawned on me that it was the syrupy goodness. Gotta love America and it's compulsive nature to over indulge in everything, especially shit that's bad for you. On that note folks, I'm out. But I will leave you with a lil some somethin'. Enjoy!

-Fabian

Nom nom nom nom. PS: I love how they add the word "ingenious". hahahaha