Home for the Holidays

I sat talking to my good friend for hours, which seems to be happening much more frequently as of late. Talking to her has been a refreshing change of pace. I haven't just talked to someone on the phone for hours in a very long time. We were talking about me being home for the holidays. I've been away from home, you know, in the sense of not living with my parents for about five years. You know that point in your life when you realize the house you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of a sudden even though you have some place where you put your shit, that idea of home is gone. You'll see one day when you move out it just sort of happens one day and it's gone. You feel like you can never get it back. It's like you feel homesick for a place that doesn't even exist. Maybe it's like this rite of passage, you know? You won't ever have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start. It's like a cycle or something. I don't know, but I miss the idea of it. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people that miss the same imaginary place. Don't get the wrong idea, I've thoroughly enjoyed my time back in southern Nevada. I've missed my family. I've missed the familiarity of this place. The deafening roar of my parents, aunts, and uncle's laughter. The vast array of aromas. It feels like Christmas. It IS Christmas. For some reason I can't quite comprehend though, this just doesn't feel like home anymore. Speaking of ear-splitting laughter, I'm currently listening to my ipod on almost full volume and I can still hear my family laughing. I'm pretty happy I was able to see Billy and Andy. It's been years since we've all hung out together. It felt like old times, us four (Mario was with us as well) hanging out. It was hard not to reminisce about better days. I miss my friends. I miss the person I used to be. It's strange to me how much I've changed in such a short time. Time passes. People change. Some for better. Others for worse. I used to be much more driven. Much more carefree. I used to think I was invincible. I miss feeling like that. I mean, I'm still a hard-working and driven guy, but back then....I was naive. Maybe that's the only thing that's changed about me. My naivety. In any case, this is who am now. I'm rather anxious to get back to Utah. To my friends, who in a short time have become my surrogate family. They say home is where the heart is, right? I'm not so sure about that, but I do know that for the time being, Utah feels like home. It feels...right. Happy Holidays. May wherever you be, feel like home.