Into the night.

It has recently come to my attention that I may or may not have a big "I'm not good enough for anybody, so please do my the hugest favor imaginable and fuck me over" stamp on my forehead. Please, spare me. I'm not one to delve into the whole self-pity thing, believe me. Been there and done that. People just seem to enjoy making me feel useless, even if it's in an indirect manner. Which is where I'm torn. You see, I know I have a lot to offer. I know that I'm altruistic even when my demeanor or my actions show otherwise. I know that, if broken down to my very core, I'm a decent human being. Is this enough? What do I need to do? Should I start saving babies from burning buildings? Maybe taking multivitamins twice daily? I don't fucking know, but I'm getting irritated at the world as a whole. My last few posts have been a tad negative, but lets face it, I've always had a flair for the dramatic. I don't think that's the case here. I honestly feel like I'm a well rounded individual, but other people's actions make me feel like it's not enough. Maybe that's not it then. Maybe it's purely based on aesthetics. Am I not good looking enough? Too fat? Too tall? Not enough facial hair? I love myself enough, it's not like I'm in a constant state of self-loathing. I know that I'm perfect just the way I am. I don't try to isolate myself from my peers or from society, quite the contrary. I'd describe myself as a very sociable person. I love interacting with people. I love making people laugh. I just don't get it, and maybe I never will. Normally, this would be the part where the Tetrahydrocannabinol would start seeping into my bloodstream faster than oil in the Gulf, but I've decided to quit smoking pot. Maybe even for good. Hahaha okay, let's not get ahead of ourselves. For the time being anyway. I need to start getting back into shape, and my usual cocktail of Mountain Dew Voltage and pot isn't going to help me get there. That, and I know that a few people I know may appreciate me not smoking anymore. See? There's me caring about other people's feelings. Jesus, if you exist, send a couple of Heaven Points my way, please. It's sleep time though. Busy day tomorrow, and I'm not nearly high enough to try and dive deeper into my emotional subconscious.