McGriddles: God's gift to humanity, or heart attack wrapped in pancake? You be the judge.

It has come to my attention that many McDonald's restaurants no longer serve McGriddle sandwiches for breakfast. This is an outrage. A buddy of mine and I got into a pretty heated argument over this and I had to whip out the Tucker Max quotes. If you don't know who Tucker Max is, I highly suggest picking up his New York Times Bestselling book: "I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell", which is literally one of the funniest things I've ever read in my entire life. Tucker Max's claim to fame is a life of opportunistic sex, drunkenness and partying while managing to fumble through college and grad school. He's my kind of guy, although a bit older. All of us have had similar exploits which is why I like the guy. A lot of people hate on him, but whatever. Back to the subject at hand, my friend Will said that McGriddles are less than favorable upon one's palate and I had to disagree because I think they're fucking delicious. So I read him this excerpt from IHTSBIH:


Tucker Max : "Dude--That thing looks disgusting. It has to be nasty, with the syrup shit in it. What is that?"


Guy2 : "I can only assume from your cavalier attitude that you have not yet partaken the wonderment that is the McGriddle. Let me enlighten you. What happens is the One True God grows them on trees in the Elysian Fields using a heretofore unused incantation. He then proceeds to magic them down to your local eatery where whatever Ghetto Bastard cook your McDonalds has rescued from welfare that week proceeds to wrap it in cellophane and pass it along to you, the fortunate consumer. You proceed to ingest this finery in the vain hope that your obviously overmatched taste buds can somehow grasp the delectable intricacies it is suddenly faced with. Is that egg? Why yes it is, and bacon too. But wait-They didn't add... yes they did, yes they did indeed. They added cheese. And then, then my friends, they wrapped it in a sumptuous pancake bun! As your taste buds try to process that amazing piece of information, IT hits them... the syrup nugget. THE MOTHERFUCKING SYRUP NUGGET!!! It announces itself with a burst of confectionery grandiosity the likes of which your palate has never seen."


Tucker : "So you like them?"


Guy2 : "If you EVER speak ill of the McGriddle again I will personally force-feed you one while I fuck you in the butt using the wrapper as a condom and then donkey punch you when the infused syrup nuggets explode in your mouth."

Now I for one may or may not have a biased opinion. My aunt has worked at McDonald's for years now. (Immigration laws in America suck. People get all whiney when you dont have a Social Security Number. Yup, go ahead and insert random Mexican jokes now. I'll wait.....Done?) She'd always bring us free Micky D's, more importantly, free McGriddles. I always wondered why I was such a fat kid too. Never dawned on me that it was the syrupy goodness. Gotta love America and it's compulsive nature to over indulge in everything, especially shit that's bad for you. On that note folks, I'm out. But I will leave you with a lil some somethin'. Enjoy!

-Fabian

Nom nom nom nom. PS: I love how they add the word "ingenious". hahahaha

Sunshine sunshine, is fine!

It's crazy to think that just nine hours ago I was holding onto the ground to prevent myself from falling off of the planet, or that I was gagging myself in front of my toilet to rid my body of the excessive amount of alcohol and Jack in the Box, and now I'm having the best day of all time. The weather's a solid 75 degrees with a slight breeze, yeah, it's fucking gorgeous outside. I woke up this morning to the sound of Nick opening my door and telling me to wake up. I felt bad. No, scratch that, I felt like ass. I felt like I got hit by a truck...that was full of smaller trucks, which had dynamite in them. Yeah, that just happened. So I do the drunk crawl out of bed, and mind you, at this point I'm still hammered. We make our way into Brady's room and started trying to fit the pieces together of our collective recollections of the prior evening's events. As time goes by (like 15 minutes lol) I start to realize that I'm still pretty damn drunk, I feel like throwing up, and the room is starting to spin. Great way to start the day right?! We then proceed to be drivin to our cars by my roommate Shalese, because yeah, we didn't drive. Responsible adult much? Check. It dawns on me that we should get Keva Juice to help with the recovery process. It also dawned on me that the day was simply fucking fantastic. It's like that song Sunshine by Atmosphere. His day starts off shitty because he's hungover, but as the day goes by he realizes what a great day it is. We get Keva Juice right? Strawberry something-or-other. Fucking revelation. Now I start to feel slightly less like throwing up all over Nick and Brady. Brady goes to work, so I'm hanging out with Nick and all I really want to do is go home and view the inside of my eyelids for the next eight to nine hours. I decide against it because the day is just so damn nice. We go to Raley's and buy sandwich materials. Yeah, real men eat sandwiches outside on a porch shirtless. I'm sitting out here and it's like I never even drank. Somehow the sunshine, raspberry lemonade, and sandwiches just UFC fought my hangover and whooped the shit out of it. Sitting here on this porch, just watching the cars drive by, enjoying the fact that I'm alive. Nothing greater if you ask me. Isn't it funny how things work out? For all I know, if I wouldn't have drank, I wouldn't be enjoying this amazing day with a good friend. Such is life I suppose. It's time to drink some more lemonade and ejoy the day while this sparatic Reno weather stays nice.

Tattoo!

Alright, so let me just say that I think people with nautical star tattoo's are gay. I really think that if I'm going to have something on my body pretty much until I'm worm chow, It has to mean something. I always romanticized that my first tattoo would be my favorite song from the band Bayside. The song is called Landing Feet First, and it's always had some sort of meaning for me. In the song, the lyrics go as follows: "If our world falls down tomorrow, you be sure I'll be there with a net, to catch the pieces falling." Later on in the song these lyrics also mean a lot to me: "Imagine what it'd be like if the ocean poured in from both of the coasts and we set sail to find out, just were our boat would go. But I don't that I'd want to know, 'cause it would just make time so I can see your smile with our brand new life in tow." OBVIOUSLY I'm not going to get that long ass lyric tattooed on me, so I started brainstorming on how to make these lyrics tangible. Well, sure enough, being unemployed has it's perks so I drew this bad boy:

Not too shabby right? Pretty much drew a guy being held tightly by a girl. They're on a boat surrounded by waves (I know my waves look like flames or spikes, I'm not an artist lol)and the guy is holding a net catching the pieces from the crumbling world. Pretty G right? I know. I'd probably get it as a half sleeve. Here's what I'd want the waves to look like:

I've always had a thing for the Japanese style of tattoos, whether it be Geishas, Koi Fish, or waves such as those. I wouldn't want them that high, but I def like the color and the style, as well as the Lotus flowers at the bottom. Let me know what you guys think!

You always remember your first...

So I've finally mustered up enough cajones to finally start a blog lol. Where to start? Well, my life's been pretty crazy these last couple of months, to put it lightly. I broke up with my long time girlfriend. We'd been dating for a little over a year. Long story very short, things just weren't really working out for me. I decided it'd be best if we just went our separate ways. I tried to be civilized and hell, even tried to be friends but she wasn't having any of that. So what do you do in that situation, you know? I took all the experiences good and bad, learned from them, and moved the fuck on. I still think about her from time to time, wondering how she's doing or if she ever fixed any of the problems she was having. Thats about it though. I mean, it's kind of hard not to when you ate, slept, and breathed this other person. For fuck's sake, I moved up to Reno just to be with her lol. Speaking of which, this town is pretty legit. I love the scenery. I love that there are actually seasons here, as opposed to the Mildly Hot, Hot, Super Fucking Hot, and Warm seasons that make up Southern Nevada. I've met some amazing people up here. It's funny that it took me breaking up with Tracy to actually be able to meet people and make connections. My roommates are amazing. I didn't even really get to "meet" them until the post break up. In the first month that I lived in Reno, I was at my pad maybe 3 times. Kinda hard to get to know people that way haha. So I move here to be with the girl (which I recommend NOT doing), and I find a job at good old Chili's Bar & Grill. Let me tell you folks, I wouldn't recommend doing that either. That place is a fistful of asshole. The people I worked with were genuinely the coolest people I've met. Fuck, I'm still friends with most of them. It's the management that sucked a fat cock. Making THIS story short as well, things didn't really pan out there and I got "laid off". Really? Laid off? After I busted my ass doing everything BUT serve (which was promised to me upon my hiring, that I'd be made a server asap), I was pretty much just strung along like the dollar bill on a fishing pole trick. Whatever. So now I've been unemployed for the past month and a half and collecting that sweet sweet unemployment money. I refer to it as "Yeah, I work for the State of Nevada" so it doesn't sound like I'm mooching off of the government, which I am. Don't get me wrong, I fucking HATE not working. I've applied to every job posting you could imagine, but this economy sucks more than a promiscuous vacuum. So, I've been forced to move back to my city. Back to Las Vegas. The chapter in my life titled "Reno" is drawing to a close. I really can't wait to see what Vegas has to offer me on my second go around. We'll see!