Stare like you'll stay.

You did. Our gazes locked for what seemed to be an eternity contained within a millisecond. Every fiber of my being wanted to implore you to stay. Every shred of common sense urged me to keep my mouth closed and let you go. So I did. You stared at me like you'd stay. Like I'd be seeing you the next day. You kissed me and you walked deftly into the night. It's been a month, and not a day's gone by that I haven't missed you. Your laugh. The way your hair smelled. Everything. Some days have been easier than others. Some days I'm bitter. Others, I'm completely and utterly oblivious to the fact you're no longer here. Almost like I'm blissfully ignorant, yeah? This isn't who I am, you know. From confident to self doubt. I don't like looking at my phone every two minutes to check if you've texted me. I'm not normally like that. I mean, I'm not that way with anyone else. Why you? What makes you so different? There are days when we don't even talk, but you'll cross my mind when I see something that reminds me of you, and I'll just quietly hope you're having a good day. Hope you're finding the things you left to go search for. Happiness? A renewed sense of self? I won't truly ever know the exact reasons for your departure, but whatever they may be, I often find myself wishing you the best of luck in fulfilling them. Surrounded by the people whom you've known longer than I can dream you'll know me. It's intimidating, in a way. Almost as if I'll never be up in that echelon, despite the fact that I'd move mountains to make sure you had a smile on your face. And that's slowly sinking in as well, but every day that passes makes it a little clearer and a little easier to grasp. I sift through text messages and look back at things that I've said or ways that I've acted and I realize what a little bitch I'd been. "I really said that?" "Wow, I was totally being a dick." Vain attempts to maybe lessen the blow by making you mad at me. If I couldn't find the way to stop talking to you, I'd just MAKE you stop talking to me. Childish? Yeah, kind of. I know that leaving wasn't easy for you. I know you miss this place. But this is the most important thing you'll do. Detail every ounce of pain that you went through, chronicle it. You're gonna have to change everything you've made. You're gonna have to reword every metaphor you'd use, so that people who are hearing aren't confused. I would have left as well, if in your shoes. I would find a different way to go. There's no signs in life to guide you on that road. And if it's the most important thing you'll say, make sure they understand. Just don't forget about me. No matter where you go, make sure you leave something down to show the way back, wherever that may be. I'll be there waiting.